We often get asked, by both our people back home and the friends we have made here, if we like it. If we are happy? It’s a complicated answer.
It’s Too Much
The quick answer is yes! I love life here!
I love the slow. The calm. The break.
For me, someone who is a go-go-go kind of person, I wouldn’t have slowed down on my own. There’s too much to do in New Braunfels- work, ADPi, church, friends, Bible Study, The Simply Organized Teacher work. All of which are good things.
But still too much.
Something I’m wrestling with right now is the “too much” in the U.S.
Literally everything has been stripped away from me. My 6:30 AM to 5:30 PM job. My church community. The ability to volunteer at church or for ADPi. I’ve had to start over with friends.
The only things I have here are my marriage, my business, my dogs (yay!), and my faith.
Being stripped away has allowed me the opportunity to relayer my life with what’s important to me right now.
I am able to prioritize our marriage- support Cody and take care of our home, although I often still feel like I am failing at that.
I have been able to prioritize my health in a way I haven’t been able to in a while. For starters, I get a full 7 to 8 hours of sleep every night. This wasn’t possible back home. (or, as my therapist would say…it IS possible.) I just chose to make it not possible by piling too much on my plate.
No car? Lots of walking and biking- noticing the small.
Oh, and there’s almost no {good} fast food here!
I am able to finally work on The Simply Organized Teacher and earn some money from it (eek!!). This has been a dream of mine for a while now and I love that I am getting to experience it.
I’m able to take the dogs on a walk every day. I even walk in the cold, rain, and snow. Literally things I would have never done back home. (Oh, and I have officially biked with a dog!)
I’m also able to meet new people- like the old couple on the bus, the lawyer needing directions to City Center.
Life is a lot more slow- which is what I needed. What I still need.
I feel a little bit guilty saying that because I “only” worked in the classroom for six years. (Is it wrong for me to say “only?” Is it culture/society/the bigger picture shaming me into thinking that I am not qualified because “only” six years?)
I have friends who have been in the classroom double (triple!) that. I have friends I started with- still in there kicking and fighting to be the best educators they can be.
And I feel ashamed to say “I need a break.”
But then I think about the ten and eleven hour days at school. Then going to a 2-3 hour meeting. Waking up the next day, doing it again.
Only this time it’s a church meeting, a bible study, a student council meeting. Or maybe a meet up with some friends. Oh yeah, and my husband needs some attention too!
All of those things filled me up, they all brought me joy.
Yet they all exhausted me.
I was in a state of constant exhaustion.
A Break from Teaching
On top of that was my dwindling passion for the classroom. Some days were great. Most were just okay.
I was tired of working for a job that kept taking, taking, taking from me- but never giving.
Sure, the kids make it more enjoyable. But the amount of work administrators ask teachers to do (because their people ask them and those peoples people are asking them). It’s just absurd. I didn’t want to be in a job that rewarded by twelve hour work day with a jean pass.
I just needed a break.
I am comforted by the fact that since leaving the classroom I do really miss it.
Staying in the education world through my business allows me to opprotunity to continue to learn. But without any ability to practice.
One day back in the classroom might be nice. But I would also love to run my own business too.
Missing Home
But then the answer gets complicated.
I went back to Texas in May and experienced a lot more homesickness than I expected.
The flight back home was full of anxiety, stress, and sadness. I love Germany. But I love home too. The only thing that I think saved an emotional breakdown upon returning to Germany was that Allison and Shelby were waiting here for me.
We also have missed out on a lot of stuff (okay, okay, mainly it’s just babies…but babies are a big deal, y’all!).
A few weeks back Cody’s sister was in a terrible car accident, saved literally by the grace of God. One of my dear friend’s mom had a heart attack (I’m sorry…I didn’t know I or our parents were old enough for this stuff yet?!?). I just got off the phone with a friend who called me in the middle of the (U.S.) night hurting, struggling, and unsure.
And I just. want. to. be. there. for. them.
I want to hug Maddie. I want to take dinner to the woman who loved and encouraged me like her own. I want to go sit and have coffee with my friend who is hurting and hold her baby and tell her it is all going to be okay.
But I can’t. And that’s hard.
We’ve been here ten months now. We have fourteen more months to go. Will we stay or will we leave?
We don’t know yet.
Luckily we don’t have to decide now.
Until then I’ll keep enjoying break from too much. Embracing the slowness. Loving the friends I have here. Pursuing my passion. Encouraging friends form afar. Looking out my kitchen windows, watching the people pass by- story telling their lives.
I wonder if they, too, feel like life is slow here?
Until next time,
